4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
