He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
