we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
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He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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