The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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