Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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