then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
