I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
