I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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