I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
