I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
