We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
