Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
