I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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