Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(701): View more from North Dakota

My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.

Fav 32 7461 1023
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.

Fav 15 5276 1615
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(860): View more from Connecticut

There is too much vodka and too much dick.

Fav 25 3881 2021
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(817): View more from Texas

He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"

Fav 18 4220 1365
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(585): View more from New York

Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello

Fav 17 1327 10039
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(425): View more from Washington

She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.

Fav 6 1864 1239
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(956): View more from Texas

Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....

Fav 4 2386 1027
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.

Fav 6 1680 643
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(615): View more from Tennessee

I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole

Fav 4 488 774
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