Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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