i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
