ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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