The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
