I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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