Got a toothbrush?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
