plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
