just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
