The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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