They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
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They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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