He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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