So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
