At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
