Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
this will be a night to untag.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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