I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
