C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
