making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
