The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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