By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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