mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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