Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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