if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You just made me feel so damn special
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
