There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
