Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
