Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just had sex bonerless
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
