hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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