I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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