apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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