drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
