Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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