Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
someone owes me an orgasm
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
