I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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