You just made me feel so damn special
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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