How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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