i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
