69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just made my gag reflex go away.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
