we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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