I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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