She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
