it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
