the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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