I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm really busy with my period
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