I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.