I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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