I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
