I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize