guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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