Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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