:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
