Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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