So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
