I accidentally burped into my bong.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
