I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So apparently I’m into choking now
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
