Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize