Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
