i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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