So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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