I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
