Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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