I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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