I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
