3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
