watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
A bitchslap is in order.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
