I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
