Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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