The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
