I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Michael Bay diarrhea
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
