I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
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so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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