i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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