I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I looked at my own cervix.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
