do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
