I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
